This is a collection of funny MAC-PAC stories intended to show just how stupid some people can be ...
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
David S. Vukovich
Two years ago, I was in line at a supermarket, where an aging cashier was running on and on about how great Rosie O'Donnell was. This endless diatribe was beginning to get on my nerves as the store was crowded and the burden of this cashier's praise caused her to work much slower than her usual glacier pace.
"Do you like Rosie O'Donnell?" she asked when it was finally my turn to pay for and bag my groceries.
"I used to like her, but she hates me," was my reply.
"Why does Rosie O'Donnell hate you?" the cashier asked in astonishment.
"Because we wear the same size briefs, and I sold a pair of mine to a tabloid to prove it."
Folks trapped on line behind me started to to laugh, but the real explosion held off until the cashier said:
"Really?"
Jack Riepe